So now what?

It's been a little over a week since McKay and I have been back in Portland. It is good to be home, but I'm definitely experiencing some kind of adjustment period. I was a crazy, unpacking fool the first three days I was home. Organizing my summer stuff, as well as unpacking a new house. I actually really loved it. I'm used to getting up early and having a zillion things to accomplish in one day. But now that it's all slowing down, and I'm beginning to settle in, so is the fear and sadness. Fear because what the heck am I supposed to do with myself now. Sadness because I miss my photo buddies.

Photography can be pretty isolating, something that I hadn't experienced until now. I just spent 11 weeks, 12 hours a day with a large group of people who all pretty much shared my same goals. Same passion. And there's something really comforting about not knowing what to do and where to go with yourself when you're with 100 people who feel the exact same way. I met some fantastic people, who taught me way more than I realized at the time. Being home, being alone with my camera, I realize that now.

I had a fantastic time. I saw and did things that I never would have thought about doing outside of this experience. It gave me a chance to appreciate all of the great things in my life-- like a wonderful, supportive husband who I love madly. I realized a lot about myself, stuff I'd never known. I had moments of complete euphoria and moments of total defeat. I went to dog shows, rodeos, national parks, pow wows, bison refuges, ghost towns, and a thousand little places in between that probably wouldn't look like much, but turned out to be serious sources of inspiration for me. I promised myself that I would get the most out of this experience that I possibly could, and that when I left I wanted no regrets. I am happy that that this is the case. But I guess I didn't think about the "real world" after my little photography bubble. Now I've got to figure out and gear up for a whole new chapter.

It is good to be home. I missed my life here. It was a first and a last for leaving my family behind--dogs and husband accompany all long term trips in the future. I know this is just a transitional period and the rough spots will pass. And no matter what happens from here with my "career" in photography life will be happy and full. But seriously. Here's hoping that I can actually make a go at this.