Sunday, August 24, 2008

So now what?

It's been a little over a week since McKay and I have been back in Portland. It is good to be home, but I'm definitely experiencing some kind of adjustment period. I was a crazy, unpacking fool the first three days I was home. Organizing my summer stuff, as well as unpacking a new house. I actually really loved it. I'm used to getting up early and having a zillion things to accomplish in one day. But now that it's all slowing down, and I'm beginning to settle in, so is the fear and sadness. Fear because what the heck am I supposed to do with myself now. Sadness because I miss my photo buddies.

Photography can be pretty isolating, something that I hadn't experienced until now. I just spent 11 weeks, 12 hours a day with a large group of people who all pretty much shared my same goals. Same passion. And there's something really comforting about not knowing what to do and where to go with yourself when you're with 100 people who feel the exact same way. I met some fantastic people, who taught me way more than I realized at the time. Being home, being alone with my camera, I realize that now.

I had a fantastic time. I saw and did things that I never would have thought about doing outside of this experience. It gave me a chance to appreciate all of the great things in my life-- like a wonderful, supportive husband who I love madly. I realized a lot about myself, stuff I'd never known. I had moments of complete euphoria and moments of total defeat. I went to dog shows, rodeos, national parks, pow wows, bison refuges, ghost towns, and a thousand little places in between that probably wouldn't look like much, but turned out to be serious sources of inspiration for me. I promised myself that I would get the most out of this experience that I possibly could, and that when I left I wanted no regrets. I am happy that that this is the case. But I guess I didn't think about the "real world" after my little photography bubble. Now I've got to figure out and gear up for a whole new chapter.

It is good to be home. I missed my life here. It was a first and a last for leaving my family behind--dogs and husband accompany all long term trips in the future. I know this is just a transitional period and the rough spots will pass. And no matter what happens from here with my "career" in photography life will be happy and full. But seriously. Here's hoping that I can actually make a go at this.

5 comments:

carrie said...

You can do it, Friend! And we miss you, too. A photo of you came up in class last night and all the A's did an 'aww Amanda'. Hang in there!

Suzanne said...

I do remember you, and your husband. (We were both in Clovis 7th back in the day.)

Anyway, I'm deeply honored to have my very own blog stalker and am tickled pink to return the favor.

P.S. I just spent a solid 45 minutes looking at all the photos you have posted on your blog. I hope you know how talented you are.

Cheers,
Suzanne (Toler) Hildebrand

Kristen said...

Keep on truckin' sister! It may all seem a bit hazy now, but I know that it will all work out for the best... Because you're awesome!

Heather said...

So I've tried posting to your blog a few times now with no success (my account was problamatic). Any-who, first, great hair - love the bangs. "To cut, or not to cut, that is the question (always)."

Second, I almost envy the position you're in - so much still to discover. I love that you're trying to absorb it all now while you can.

Third, congrats on the new nephew. The newborn stage can be so trying, but I loved seeing Leanne holding her own little baby boy.

Lastly, I adore you!! I have enjoyed reading your different posts and practically hearing your voice as I read.

Good Luck!

Sarita said...

Goodness Amanda, you are inspirational. I have been dabbling and racing to to do what you are doing in my 'spare' time for years. I'd kill for an experience like that and watching you (via the interweb) makes me think that maybe I could make that happen sooner rather than later. Or at least buckle down and devote myself to progressing photographically as intimidating as it may be sometimes.

You are beautiful and so are your photographs.